Fifty Shades of WTF

Let me talk about the Fifty Shades series…

Now not going to lie, I wanted to read it for two reasons: 1 ) as an avid reader when something blows up the way this series did… I HAD TO KNOW WHY. 2) A spin off of the twilight franchise? Now I REALLY need to read this shit.

So I bought the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey, on my nook with the intentions that should I not like it then I only bought the first book and its no big deal.  BUT, alas. I actually thought the first book was ok.

Now don’t get me wrong … I absolutely despise this series and I want to kill anyone who even mentions how Christian grey is “sooo the kind of guy” that they would want or that these books are remotely worthy of the praise they have received…because they aren’t.

For one…It seriously is twi-fan trash. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO EMULATE TWILIGHT IN A DIFFERENT SERIES!? I just don’t get it.

Anastasia looks like Bella (in theory) and thus Christian Grey looks like sparkly Edward. Anastasia is so naïve and clumsy as was as Bella, and Christian Grey is just so taken with this girl for no real reason that he wants her. Like, for real.

Ok….ok I get it. In my hay day I would take the characters from the stories and movies that I liked and make up my own story where things happened the way I wanted to, sure….but why would you want the events to be the same with the kinky sex mixed in!? WTF

I would usually cut away the bits that I didn’t like or get or make up a whole new scenario and time for those spin offs but this shit, literally follows everything the same but adds the weird sex and psychoanalyzing bullshit that makes up this plot line.

Now the whole series is riding on these sex scenes, I mean obviously, it’s an  “erotic novel” series. The first book I say is ok for the fact that it actually had some decent back story and material to guide the story and further push the events into motion like any good story should, but then everything just falls off the face of the planet and dies when the next book comes into view.

I liked the first book enough to want to actually find out what happened with the rest of the story, but if I was SMART I would realize that I already knew what was going to happen because I already read twilight!

Seriously, by the third book I was ready to throw my nook into the wall because I could not stand what was happening and how annoying the story and people were in the series. BUT NO. I was already invested in this series by 1) paying for the damn thing and 2) reading most of it! FUCK.

Can I say even the kinky sex scenes started to make me angry? The author for one uses the same phrase in every scene….EVERY SCENE. I feel like if this whole relationship was so super fantastic as it is portrayed in the books , then that would go for the sex (RIGHT!?) but no….it all happens the same way all day, every day. FUCK. Can’t a woman get some variety!?

Now.....if you can't tell I am very heated about this series....and I absolutely can't get through it without swearing or getting angry and spitting everywhere.